Lets Be Emotinally Disabled Together
by KillMyBoyfriend
Summary: It wasn't that she didn't want to tell, she did, but how could they, anyone, who hasn't been through the same understand? Isis is struggling with balancing her past and normal life. Can Rishid make her feel any better?  Rishid x Isis/Odion x Ishizu


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Cause sometimes I need to write something happy. And these two, I love them and I love them as a couple (and no, it's not incest), and they deserve all the happiness they can get. If you don't like them as a pairing, then no need to complain.

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It wasn't going right.

It wasn't going wrong either, but it was too familiar to be right.

And now she had been quiet for too long time, she couldn't tell it. The words never came out right.

Isis looked at a man in front of her, but quickly lowered her gaze to a cup of coffee on the table. They had been sitting there for at least fifteen minutes, but the cup was still almost untouched.

She sighed mentally when the man asked again what was it that she wanted to talk about when she had said they should meet. The truth would have been that she didn't want to talk about anything, she just had to.

The spoon kept circling in her coffee cup.

The problems wasn't in the man. The problem was that the man had no problems. He was normal. He was always nice to her, he had stabile and regular family, he was smart and had normal regular job… Isis sighed, this time not only in her mind. Why did it always have to go like this?

These men that she wanted to date, tried to date. They would be good to her, very good to her. Balanced and normal. But they wouldn't never understand her. And she didn't blame them for that.

How could they? How could they understand that in stead of moving in together she needed to stay with her brother cause she was too worried for him? Meeting parents would be easy to avoid cause they were dead, but what if the man would want to know what happened to them? Split personality of my little brother killed our father? Not something anyone wants to hear… And that was maybe the most difficult part to explain, but what if the man would actually get over it. What if they could move on? Would he understand that she was afraid of having children cause she didn't know how to be a mother? Because her mother had died while giving birth, she never had a mother to teach her, and so she didn't want to give birth. And even if they would get children she couldn't raise them like other parents would, she hadn't been raised like other children were. She was raised underground for god sakes!

All those thoughts run through Isis's mind during the time the coffee cup raised from the table to her lips and back. She looked at the man in front of her. The nice, well doing man, who was interested in the same careers as she was and who had nice balanced life behind and ahead of him. The man looked at him awaiting, getting bit by bit more frustrated and worried.

"I'm sorry" Isis finally forced out of her mouth. The man raised his gaze. "I think you're a wonderful person, and your going to make someone really happy someday. And she'll be lucky to have you" she continued keeping her voice steady: "But unfortunately, that person is not going to be me." Then she got up, not looking at the man even if she could feel him staring at her unbelievingly, got her things and left.

.

Rishid heard the door going. He was in the living room reading a paper so he couldn't see who was coming but it was easy to guess.

"So, how did it go?" he asked, when Isis, as he had guessed, walked in to the room. She sighed deeply and sat down on the same coach he was sitting at.

"I really was going to tell this time…" she said quietly. Rishid raised his eyebrow carefully: "But you didn't?" Isis shook her head slowly, staring down at her hands resting in her lap.

Rishid sighed mentally. Could he hug her? Was that too much, or just enough comforting she would need in situation like this. For a young woman she had always been outstandingly independent and didn't show her weaknesses, but having constantly have to go through the same thing would be hard on anyone. Usually she had just came home and kept on doing her things like nothing had happened, but now she was sitting there next to him, looking miserable. Slowly he placed his arm around her shoulders.

Isis looked up surprised and then a small embarrassed smile appeared on her face: "It's alright… I'm sorry for sulking around you like this, it's not like it would be your problem."

Rishid understood that as she was asking him to move his arm away, so he did so slightly disappointed. "I don't mind" he said: "It's not good always just to keep things to yourself, cause I could imagine you don't have too many people to share your thoughts with." She nodded lowering her gaze back to her hands.

"Did you really like this one then?" he asked carefully. "…No" Isis replied after a moment of consideration: "I think that's actually the saddest part."

Rishid cursed in his head that why he couldn't be any better with these things but luckily Isis still didn't seem too awkward. "Then isn't it actually better it just ended now? If you didn't feel anything for him?"

She sighed again and pressed her hands into frustrated fists. "I wish. …Or actually, yes. On some way your right. But it wasn't like I didn't feel anything for him, he… was too good for me" her voice lowered towards the end. Rishid furrowed unpleased: "I can't see how anyone would be too good for you. If anything, you deserve the best". If Isis got surprised, he himself was even more surprised how strongly the words came from his mouth.

"Thank you…" Isis said smiling confused but then her face turned more uncomfortable and she tried to correct the way she was sitting. "But of course I didn't mean it like that… Just… He and they generally are whole. And… I'm not." Then she shook her head slightly: "I'm sorry, that must sound ridiculous to you." "No…" Rishid said: "I even think I understand what you mean."

Isis felt relief, she had known Rishid would understand. "Cause mainly the people I meet are not too troubled. And if they are, they're usually over them or still being able to go their day by day life normally." she continued: "That's how they could be seen as whole, and they can let others see themselves as they are. And they should be together with other whole people, and be a couple. And I, wont probably ever be over things that has happened. Before I do, I cant let anyone see more than just a half of me." Isis couldn't believe how ridiculous the things she said sounded like, it wasn't how she usually talked not her usual calm self, but she couldn't help it. It was easier to explain it like that, than start going through all the details of the things going through her mind. But Rishid would have probably understood them too, even now he just was there slowly nodding.

"I guess I'm just a half then too" Rishid nodded slowly: "Many men in my age would already have a wife, maybe even kids, but I cant even think about that without getting scared."

"And with me it's the opposite, why would anyone want a wife that is afraid of having children." Isis nodded understandingly. "I personally wouldn't mind" Rishid -half- joked. Both of them laughed a bit. Isis smiled, Rishid seemed like a person who wasn't afraid of anything so it meant a lot when he told that he had a same fear than she did. She leaned to the coach even smiling a bit.

"For you it's at least easier cause you're a man. When you're difficult with talking and your emotions your traditional man, but when I do it I'm just a bad and difficult woman" she said. "I've never liked that idea too much, never been too fond of traditions" he replied.

Isis chuckled tiredly: "But it's true… If you have a short more close affair the woman was just stupid to realize things. Without really committing, and telling about myself I haven't even been able to…" and then she quickly stopped and looked away, with her face turning red.

"Um…" Rishid started awkwardly: "Personally I've never considered myself as a seduces and leaves person, so hopefully you wont either." "Of course not!" Isis quickly said still not able to look at the man cause of all the blushing: "I wasn't thinking, just forget the whole thing." She slowly turned back to him, still light red playing on her cheeks: "I guess I should watch my tongue better, but I can't always help it. You make me feel relaxed." This time it was Rishid's turn to blush, which is something that rarely happens and what Isis had never witnessed before.

"Thank you…" he coughed: "I guess it's good, cause you tend to make me nervous." "Nervous? Why?" Isis blinked confused, really hoping it didn't mean that she makes him uncomfortable or awkward. "Don't get me wrong" Rishid quickly answered: "I don't mean it as a bad thing. Just that every time we talk, especially when it's just the two of us, I hope I wont say anything stupid, cause you feel so easy to talk to that I never want to upset you by saying anything stupid."

Isis blushed again, this time not so strongly and not for the same reasons. She looked at the person in front of her with new view. Or maybe it wasn't new, cause it didn't feel new or strange, maybe it was just something she had always known but never realized before. Slowly she moved closer, looking Rishid right into the eyes she took his hand. Both of them could feel they pulses raising.

"I think I know why I ever couldn't talk any of those people about anything important, or grow keen on them…" Isis said quietly facing another's golden eyes. "Why…?" Rishid asked as they had agreed that she wont tell until he asks. "Cause I already had you" she whispered. Isis slowly moved her face closer and waited until Rishid moved too so their lips touched. And they kissed. Rishid looked at her and smiled: "It makes sense. You were too good for those people anyway. …No we can be emotionally disabled together."

She smiled. And he smiled. And they kissed again, this time deeper. Knowing that it wouldn't always need to stop there.

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****Weird, but when I started writing I had Façade by Disturbed stuck in my head, but towards the ending it changed into You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. Hope you guys enjoyed my little drabble. ^^ **


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